He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize