We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
