I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
