i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
