How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
