Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
