I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
