i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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