I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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