It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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