so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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