I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
