Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
