i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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