i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
