omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
