He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This is classic penis vs brain.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
