my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
