I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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