I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You made out with two different species that night
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
