He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize