I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
