Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
