I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
