You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
