He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
