"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
