oh god the rape fog is back!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
