I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
