I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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