made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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