oh god the rape fog is back!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
