I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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