I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
