I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
