He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
