i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
