Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
