Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
