When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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