I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
