being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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