I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
