This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
