is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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