Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
