Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
