will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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