once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize