so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
