Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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