my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I could have mohawked her pubes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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