Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
