I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
