were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
