he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
