Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
