soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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