Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
