I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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