I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's rum buckets o'clock
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
