Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
