he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
