Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
