She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
