just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
