i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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