I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
